When I found out that I was pregnant with Emma, I had this vision of the type of mama I was going to be but more importantly, the type of woman I wanted to model to her. I pictured seamlessly easy mornings, complete with giggles and music playing in the background. I envisioned us sleeping through the night based off of the demeanor and rituals I was going to bring to our dynamic. I manifested having ALLLLL of the right answers for ALLLLL of the tough questions. I imagined NEVER raising my voice or losing my temper because I was always going to be in the right frame of this mamahood mind. Well, the joke has been on me a time or two or three. 😉
As the years have passed...
An imperfect mama + wife + woman
I am without a question an imperfect mama + wife + woman. Candidly, thank goodness for that! I make mistakes daily, if I’m being totally honest. However, in this version of a mama + woman I am today, I’m proud of the imperfections that have lead to knowing how to show up more fully as the woman I aim to be in her life: one that makes mistakes, one that knows how to take responsibility for my actions (and reactions), and knows how to apologize to her and ultimately, to myself. A woman that gives herself permission to say “NO” whenever the hell her heart and gut tells her to. One that knows it’s ok to course correct ANYTIME her intuition is screaming at her. One that knows that it’s no one’s job to fill every aspect of her bucket. One that knows that sometimes the answers lie in the silence. One that knows that prayers hold a powerful connection to something bigger than herself. One that knows that her mama is doing her best with the tough questions that seem to be coming in more quickly than I’m ever prepared for. 😉 One that understands the importance of affirmations and gratitude each and every day. One that knows that water has a magical power and that sometimes you just need to sit in a “spa” bath with your fave essential oils while watching your favorite show when it’s been a hard day. One that knows that nature has a way of calming you down when you need it the most. One that knows that her mama will always be learning right along side her in this thing called life.
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Gifts are in the cracks of our foundation...
While we do (for the most part) have seamlessly easy mornings-complete with giggles and music-and special rituals that have helped with sleeping through the night, I want her to know that life has a funny way of creating some cracks in our foundation. My job is to guide her to her own inner dwelling. I want her to know how to adjust her own blueprint whenever needed and to realize that HER gifts lie in those cracks. That ultimately it’s up to her to recognize how to move walls, open/close doors, climb steps, create windows, plant seeds. That she gets to have an active role in the architecture of her own life.
